she notes

Ignorance is/aint Bliss ?

”..let it be ” - John Lennon

Ignorance is bliss- and so some say. I used to wonder, why ignore? Why not address and issue and make a change. Why live a lie, why do we put on a mask and not confront? What is there to be so scared of about the truth?  Sometimes we choose to let things be the way they are because everyone is happy just as it is. We are comfortable in the normalcy albeit if it’s wrong, we shiver to the bones if things start to change. We detest the idea of something new.

If you were to ask me, do I rather ignore or would I be bold in enough to face the gruesome truth? I would look at you in the eyes and you would understand, I myself don’t have an answer to that.

So far, I’ve had countless encounters with situations that just leave me at a dead end. Do I say it out loud, or do I just keep quiet and let things subside. I wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of being unhappy. I thought to myself –‘oh give it time, time heals right?’ .So why bother. But then again I’ve been in places where I just wish that people would start spurting out honesty, everyone to speak up their mind, where I just wish the other party would understand that I am not as fragile or am I as immature as they shallowly think I am to handle the ugly truth.

Sure we like to make believe that the world is a merry planet made up of candies and chocolates and everything is blissful and dandy. So tell me if it is, why is there babies lying dead in the streets of Gaza? Why is America still combating homeless issues? Why are there people still suffer the same suffering across the other continent?  So then it hits us hard, the untainted perception about the world might be our own joke to laugh about. Behind closed doors we know for a fact the world is sick and twisted after all, things aren’t as simple they used to be. Then again I’m not saying it’s all dark and gloomy, maybe just 70 per cent of it. It’s like Ying and Yang, everything needs to be in balance, in equilibrium. How can there be good without evil or how evil comes when there’s good.

Just to be fair, I do believe some things are just better left unsaid. Situation forces us to “fabricate” or remain in painful silence. We oblige to the condition that we are in. A husband would only say that her newly wedded wife’s hair is perfect, even when it’s all dry and brittle. Wouldn’t he? I remembered a heartbreaking story that I read not too long ago, where lying was the only best thing left to do, it became almost perfect because a son couldn’t bear to reduce his old man to tears, or could he relive the pain of losing his only mother over and over again. I just think that I wouldn’t do justice to the author if I wrote my own interpretation of it here, because my vocabulary is rather limited and the after effect wouldn’t be the same. So here is a little piece of Days of My Father by Phillip Toledano;

My Mum died suddenly on September 4^th, 2006.

After she died, I realized how much she’d been shielding me from my father’s mental state. He doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, but he has no short-term memory, and is often lost.

I took him to my mother’s funeral, and to the burial, but when we got home, he’d ask me every 15-20 minutes where my mother was. I’d explain carefully that she had died, and we’d been to the funeral.

This was shocking news to him.

Why had no-one told him?

Why hadn’t I taken him to the funeral?

Why hadn’t he visited her in the hospital?

He had no memory of these events. After a while, I realized I couldn’t keep telling him that his wife died. He didn’t remember, and it was killing both of us, to re-live her death constantly.

I decided to tell him she’d gone to Paris, to take care of her brother, who was sick.

And that’s where she is now.

Put me in this man’s shoes, and I probably would do just the same.

Maybe John Lennon was right after all, but maybe also Mr. Barack Obama had a point. I don’t know maybe I’ll just keep dwelling on it and hopefully the decisions I choose to make would only bring me to the right turn J

.Chao .

p/s: Mr derrick, sorry I didn’t post this earlier, was having some connection problem – broadband are such rip-offs.  I am bitter for the time being and yes as you say, we are the emo generation, aren’t we? Thus, you might sense the bitterness here.

One More Round.

Howdy there,

You know what’s not cool -me not having anything to write. The whole writers block syndrome is frustrating. I think I over analyze, that’s my problem. I go back and forth, and everything just remains as a draft. Oh well I shall stop this useless rambling and just get on with it.

College has been pretty hectic lately and it’s only the second week. Assignments and homework are piling high and me myself, I am not really the person you’d see getting her homework done a.s.a.p.  Yes, I am that big time procrastinator who doesn’t really seem to have learned anything from previous experiences .Forgive  me for being oblivious but my whole system seems to be designed as it is. Someone get me a repair man and fix me fast!! I need fixing!

Where do you read and study?

When it comes to reading and studying, I’d prefer to have one solid area and that would simply be my study table (okay it is the only table in the room so to sound smart I’ll just say it’s my “study table”). My windows are just right beside it, so I have sufficient light coming in. But ergh, heaven knows that my head screams in horror and I’ll be pulling my hair out like a mad lady when those Iranians up in A3 blast off their stereo to full volume. It’s like a concert of their own. You see I detest change. Detest might be a strong word to use, but I do hate the hassle of changing my routine. Then again, don’t get me wrong, I am not admitting I am boring and predictable either. When I am fixed on the idea, I stick by it and I don’t make a point to even try to be flexible. Same goes with my study table. I can only read and study on it, and nowhere else-PERIOD!. Not even the library. Not even in class. Not even on my bed. I’ve always have this mythical idea that my brain absorbs facts better when I am seating straight up, like as if  it is in its right position and if I were to lay down, nothing can ever go in and I would eventually just doze off.   Even back in high school, I’d end up doing  my homework  at home and those free times at school would just be wasted on gossips and pranks on my classmates. Oh yes, I am the one with the pranks back then. Good old days.

*the so-called study table*

What is the best time for you to read?

I find solitude when everyone else is far away in dreamland and the world falls into silent mode.  I love reading and studying in the wee hours. When it’s just me and the dark night sky, occasionally the moon would be staring over. It is something that I have developed since I was in high school. It’s the perfect hours for me. Weird as it is, I sometimes would purposely wait for my roommate to go to sleep then only start reading- a habit I should try correcting. Talking about bad time management!  But hey, everyone has a way of their own, and mine happens to be a tid bit eccentric. Don’t you think?

How long would you study without a break?

This is a hard one. It actually depends on how much I am cramming in. HAHA. If it was for an exam, a really important one for that matter, I can go on and on and on and not even stopping to catch my breath. My record was 8 hours. Absurd you’d say, no no this is fact! It was back in those spm days, and I was a crack head with anxiety attacks. One dirty little secret, sometimes even I go on not bathing.  To me it was a waste of time, and I was trying to buy as much time as possible, if only there were 48 hours in a day. Time was never enough. It was ridiculous back then, also about the same time I developed a back problem as a result of seating too long. This pain of mine, it still comes and goes, and whenever it strikes, I’ll be weeping by the corner like a big baby, but it aches terribly. Now I usually limit myself to at least 2 or 3 hours of reading then I’ll stop to get some fresh air and even sometimes a short nap just so the brain gets a little rest.  I just realized after sometime , that there is no point doing harm to the body. I used to think if I am feeling that much of an ache, I must be studying hard enough to guarantee me a decent result. Again, a very wrong concept, the naïve Atiqah used to have. It’s all about doing it smartly.

What type of distraction bother you the most?

I think having my laptop on the desk at all times is ONE HUGE DISTRACTION! I usually never shuts it off, only putting it in sleeping mode. Therefore, the opportunity is always wide open. When I get on the net for example, I can’t seem to pull myself away from it. It’s like and ultra magnet that keeps me glued to the screen. And then I have the 160 gigabyte hard drive full of downloaded movies and television shows. How can I say no to Gossip Girls or Lipstick Jungle or even House for that matter. His sarcasm is way more entertaining than 5 pages long of complex physics! Oh, I am not even done yet. Then you have your social network like Facebook and Friendster. As much as I hate the idea of updating it, I still religiously visit it. Isn’t it ironic? I’m also a junkie when it comes to photography and graphics. Sometimes I spend hours on Photoshop trying to get the perfect contrast out of a picture. I become so absorb in it that time seems to be in fast forward. So yes, my definite answer would be my evil laptop.

*the evil one*

On average, how many different assignments do you work on in one evening?

Do you one the honest answer or the fabricated one?

If I was being honest, it would be NONE! Nah kidding! I’d say I try to complete as much as I can. It actually pretty much depends on how long one assignment would take me to finish it. Some are extra hard, so I’d spent more time on it, leaving me less time for everything else. On average, I would say I try working on 2 to 3 assignments. My system is that, I complete a certain task and then move on to the next one. I’m not quite fond of the idea of doing things half way through or touching bits and pieces here and there. It’s like eating an ice cream and leaving the cone out. I feel at ease knowing that, I have successfully complete one, and would enjoy the satisfaction of it before delving into another.

What type of rewards might work for you?

Rewards- the one word I love apart from shopping, holidays and France! Again it depends. If I had been struggling with exam and intense studying for the week, the perfect reward would probably be good results, having something out from what I’ve been working really hard on. It is as if, all the effort was worthwhile. Having sometime to myself just to unwind, or probably a relaxed evening by the beach with my close friends where we would be talking about random things  and then laughing our heads off  or doing something really silly that just lifts my spirit would be a reward on its own. Just genuinely having a great time in the comfort of people that you have find a certain attachment to, or where you can afford to be stupid, or do things that only a crack head would do and still not look funny is more than enough for me. I am admitting that I am one materialistic person, I love physical things, but there are things in life that is worth more than money can ever buy. Those are the ones I call real rewards and it gets me pondering, these are the  times that we live for, the one that reminds us to always be grateful to god for his blessings. You know what they say, an achievement is nothing if there is no one to share it with. (P/S: A shopping spree wouldn’t be too bad of a reward either: D)

I guess that sums it up. Fuih, that’s a relief, I thought I’ll never get this one done.

Adieu.

Numero Uno

Years back, I used to loathed blogging. I was critical about it. I passed on judgements without reason. But of course being the hypocrite that I am and my self contradictory nature, I started a blog of my own, for mere pleasure, for futile entertainment. Secretly I enjoyed posting up my ramblings on the net, with little expectation on the feed-backs that I would get. I thought too often of a time “Hey, who would actually give a crap?” Surprise surprise, I had readers.

Blogging have never reached this much of a hype. There is a blogging-mania. At some point I think it has become so much apart of our culture that it is ridiculous. The whole idea of blogging was never foreign to me, my views unchained, my words unfiltered. To write a reflective journal on Friday nights might not be any different after all but to have it read the next day by my EALD lecturer, sure is one scary thought. I suppose this ought to do me good. Ma, would be so proud, she detest my frequent usage of vulgar words, she thinks it’s unladylike. She squinch in horror of my terrible grammar and my horrendous spelling.

So, I am 9231 but my parents call me Atiqah. I am the tall girl with bad posture. I  like to think that I am simple and one easy person to please, sadly enough I am not. I demand so many things in life, sometimes I think someone should shake me hard. I make an effort on those tiny trivial things that makes life move and heave and rattle. I am self-deprecating but I try convincing myself that I am only human. I complicate simple things because I like to think that I’ve worked harder than everyone else and I deserve an ice cream. Sometimes I go random, and say things like ” I am a flower today”, so I draw pictures of myself with petals. The Beatles makes me sing. Shopping is yoga to me. Blogging is pilates.

I promise, I’ll live an interesting week so that I can write interesting post every Friday night (elements of fabrication and exaggeration might be inflicted) and not bore you on your weekends, Mr. Derrick. I’ll make extra effort on my spelling, and fret not, I too hate acronyms.